Many times sexuality succumbs negatively when a relationship of couple stabilizes. If the above is added to the coexistence, the problems of the day to day and the arrival of the children, the result may be discouraging. But there are certain measures that can be taken to come out gracefully.
Having a stable, healthy and happy partner relationship is not easy, and sexuality is also part of this challenge, since it is no surprise to anyone that the routine, the monotony and the lack of novelty in the encounter and even the sensations of being with the other, slowly advancing and diminishing sexual desire.
However, this hopeless perspective changes when couples understand that the sexual desire of the onset is transformed over time and when the relationship stabilizes. In this way, sex becomes an aspect that the couple must keep healthy, satisfying and entertaining.
Magdalena Rivera, medical surgeon and sexologist of medical sex Center, delivers a vision and solution for some of the most common challenges that stable couples must face in the sexual arena.
1. Being too tired to have relationships
Fatigue is one of the most common aspects that appear in a stable couple that also coexist. To this, winter can make it difficult due to low temperatures. Now we must also recognize that this does not usually happen at the beginning of a relationship.
With regard to this, the specialist indicates that "at the beginning of the relationship there is a high level of infatuation," so even if there is a high level of activity or the couple is tired, it is so much what happens at the biochemical level, and it is so much novelty, that the same sexual stimulus manages to go through all that. "But once the couple is already stable, the fatigue and routine of daily life begins to rise."
Angry couple EnojadaPareja
"The solution is often not so simple because it involves changing the lifestyle," to find more time available: time to share in pairs, to converse, to go out together, to be without pressure, and it is very probable that in those free times, desire and eroticism emerge again, he adds.
"With so many things to do in the day, the hours of transport," children, there are people who work and study, then there is no time for sexual activity and you do not have to wait until the last minute, at 10 pm when the two are tired, or this can happen, but when you are in full love " , Rivero points out.
Now, another way to shake off all this is to "schedule" between the two or the sexual encounters. "While spontaneity is right, it happens that many times if a space is not programmed for the sexual encounter, that space may not exist." Programming it is a good idea, says the specialist.
2. Sex has ceased to be of interest, it is not priority
Suddenly having sex is not what moves the relationship, in fact, there are thousands of other things that begin to take more importance, such as working, paying bills, paying debts, fulfilling social commitments, solving problems; etc.
"What happens is that sex is no longer the same novelty as in the beginning." There are couples who get monotonous. And if you are interested in reviving sexual life, a good option is to start thinking about those things that interested you at the beginning of the relationship and see how to innovate and look for time, "Rivera says.
Parejapareja
Now, it is important to emphasize that separating some aspects one thing is that maybe the sexual frequency goes down, but another very different one is that the kisses, the caresses, the hugs and all physical and affectionate contact also disappear, because it is impossible to think that some space will be given for intimacy when there is no type of intimate contact.
3. You have sex, but do not feel connection
It may be that a couple has opted to schedule their sexual encounters or even have a high sexual frequency. However, at the time of the encounter both or one of the two may feel that there is no longer a connection and that the act is rather mechanical.
"In this case, we would have to see what is going on in the relationship of partner and not only in the sexual sphere, when there are unresolved conflicts or other problems, sexually it costs that there is more connection", says the expert.
"Look into the eyes, give yourself time, try to relax and propitiate the spaces of intimacy and not just sexual." Sometimes couples only talk about the everyday and do not know what the other is, all this serves to make more connection in sex, he advises.
4. Make unpleasant encounters
Sometimes, there are certain sexual practices that a member of the couple likes to perform and the other, no, the denial of one of the parties to do it, often generates friction and conflict in the couple.
"It is important to understand that if the other person hates a sexual practice, it is not advisable to do it because no one is obliged to do something with the couple, what we do have to look for are the practices that both have in common and that both like." If someone tries to do things that they don't like, it's easy for this to end up diminishing the desire because it is doing activities that are not to their liking, says the specialist.
And it can't be negotiated? "You can do things for the couple, as long as you don't feel displeased or you don't feel moved to wear." They may not be attractive, but they do not make you feel or dislike or discomfort, and that one can do for the couple, but do something that one hates, that is not negotiable, he specifies.
5. One tries to innovate, but the other does not
Many times, one of the members of the couple is more innovative or has more desire to change things in the sexual plane, but when you do not find any feedback in that sense on the other side, problems can be generated.
The expert explains that it is "good to negotiate and converse in this situation". "Innovating is not necessarily synonymous with exotic or extreme sexual encounters." You can do simple things, like massages, use the living room, for example, put candles ... you can always add some new factor, he says.
In this line, there are thousands of products that increase the possibilities of innovating in intimacy: such as lingerie, costumes, sexual cosmetics; etc.
6. Having a child
The arrival of a baby is usually an item in the relationship that makes the sexual life of the couple succumb and not in a very positive way. Suddenly, the couple becomes parents, concerns are other, as are priorities. And many times people stop being a couple for just address in parenthood.
"It is important to give yourself the spaces of couple, like for example, to go out together perhaps (not necessarily to have sex immediately), to recover the spaces of intimacy and of couple, can be even to go to walk to the square." And you also have to understand that the first time, especially for women, for fatigue, it is normal that it costs to recover sexual activity by the demand that implies motherhood, clarifies the expert.
7. The other person is no longer new and neither is it
Rivera underlines the importance of incorporating new practices and experiences to feel physical attraction for the couple (if love still exists). "Couples tend to succumb to monotony not only in the sexual but at every level of the couple," says Rivera.
"If one of us feels that everything is not like before, it should not be frightened, it is normal: things change," explains the expert. "The subject of feeling that one does not like the other, must be conversed." It is important to express affection on a daily basis, say ' I love you ' or ' I love you ', as well as keeping the conquest. "You should also tell the other that he is attractive," he says.
Finally, the specialist recognizes that sometimes "you really stop liking (or stop liking) your partner and this can only be solved through a conversation."
IF you like this article about ( Magna Rx ) and want to read more on this topic.
Having a stable, healthy and happy partner relationship is not easy, and sexuality is also part of this challenge, since it is no surprise to anyone that the routine, the monotony and the lack of novelty in the encounter and even the sensations of being with the other, slowly advancing and diminishing sexual desire.
However, this hopeless perspective changes when couples understand that the sexual desire of the onset is transformed over time and when the relationship stabilizes. In this way, sex becomes an aspect that the couple must keep healthy, satisfying and entertaining.
Magdalena Rivera, medical surgeon and sexologist of medical sex Center, delivers a vision and solution for some of the most common challenges that stable couples must face in the sexual arena.
1. Being too tired to have relationships
Fatigue is one of the most common aspects that appear in a stable couple that also coexist. To this, winter can make it difficult due to low temperatures. Now we must also recognize that this does not usually happen at the beginning of a relationship.
With regard to this, the specialist indicates that "at the beginning of the relationship there is a high level of infatuation," so even if there is a high level of activity or the couple is tired, it is so much what happens at the biochemical level, and it is so much novelty, that the same sexual stimulus manages to go through all that. "But once the couple is already stable, the fatigue and routine of daily life begins to rise."
Angry couple EnojadaPareja
"The solution is often not so simple because it involves changing the lifestyle," to find more time available: time to share in pairs, to converse, to go out together, to be without pressure, and it is very probable that in those free times, desire and eroticism emerge again, he adds.
"With so many things to do in the day, the hours of transport," children, there are people who work and study, then there is no time for sexual activity and you do not have to wait until the last minute, at 10 pm when the two are tired, or this can happen, but when you are in full love " , Rivero points out.
Now, another way to shake off all this is to "schedule" between the two or the sexual encounters. "While spontaneity is right, it happens that many times if a space is not programmed for the sexual encounter, that space may not exist." Programming it is a good idea, says the specialist.
2. Sex has ceased to be of interest, it is not priority
Suddenly having sex is not what moves the relationship, in fact, there are thousands of other things that begin to take more importance, such as working, paying bills, paying debts, fulfilling social commitments, solving problems; etc.
"What happens is that sex is no longer the same novelty as in the beginning." There are couples who get monotonous. And if you are interested in reviving sexual life, a good option is to start thinking about those things that interested you at the beginning of the relationship and see how to innovate and look for time, "Rivera says.
Parejapareja
Now, it is important to emphasize that separating some aspects one thing is that maybe the sexual frequency goes down, but another very different one is that the kisses, the caresses, the hugs and all physical and affectionate contact also disappear, because it is impossible to think that some space will be given for intimacy when there is no type of intimate contact.
3. You have sex, but do not feel connection
It may be that a couple has opted to schedule their sexual encounters or even have a high sexual frequency. However, at the time of the encounter both or one of the two may feel that there is no longer a connection and that the act is rather mechanical.
"In this case, we would have to see what is going on in the relationship of partner and not only in the sexual sphere, when there are unresolved conflicts or other problems, sexually it costs that there is more connection", says the expert.
"Look into the eyes, give yourself time, try to relax and propitiate the spaces of intimacy and not just sexual." Sometimes couples only talk about the everyday and do not know what the other is, all this serves to make more connection in sex, he advises.
4. Make unpleasant encounters
Sometimes, there are certain sexual practices that a member of the couple likes to perform and the other, no, the denial of one of the parties to do it, often generates friction and conflict in the couple.
"It is important to understand that if the other person hates a sexual practice, it is not advisable to do it because no one is obliged to do something with the couple, what we do have to look for are the practices that both have in common and that both like." If someone tries to do things that they don't like, it's easy for this to end up diminishing the desire because it is doing activities that are not to their liking, says the specialist.
And it can't be negotiated? "You can do things for the couple, as long as you don't feel displeased or you don't feel moved to wear." They may not be attractive, but they do not make you feel or dislike or discomfort, and that one can do for the couple, but do something that one hates, that is not negotiable, he specifies.
5. One tries to innovate, but the other does not
Many times, one of the members of the couple is more innovative or has more desire to change things in the sexual plane, but when you do not find any feedback in that sense on the other side, problems can be generated.
The expert explains that it is "good to negotiate and converse in this situation". "Innovating is not necessarily synonymous with exotic or extreme sexual encounters." You can do simple things, like massages, use the living room, for example, put candles ... you can always add some new factor, he says.
In this line, there are thousands of products that increase the possibilities of innovating in intimacy: such as lingerie, costumes, sexual cosmetics; etc.
6. Having a child
The arrival of a baby is usually an item in the relationship that makes the sexual life of the couple succumb and not in a very positive way. Suddenly, the couple becomes parents, concerns are other, as are priorities. And many times people stop being a couple for just address in parenthood.
"It is important to give yourself the spaces of couple, like for example, to go out together perhaps (not necessarily to have sex immediately), to recover the spaces of intimacy and of couple, can be even to go to walk to the square." And you also have to understand that the first time, especially for women, for fatigue, it is normal that it costs to recover sexual activity by the demand that implies motherhood, clarifies the expert.
7. The other person is no longer new and neither is it
Rivera underlines the importance of incorporating new practices and experiences to feel physical attraction for the couple (if love still exists). "Couples tend to succumb to monotony not only in the sexual but at every level of the couple," says Rivera.
"If one of us feels that everything is not like before, it should not be frightened, it is normal: things change," explains the expert. "The subject of feeling that one does not like the other, must be conversed." It is important to express affection on a daily basis, say ' I love you ' or ' I love you ', as well as keeping the conquest. "You should also tell the other that he is attractive," he says.
Finally, the specialist recognizes that sometimes "you really stop liking (or stop liking) your partner and this can only be solved through a conversation."
IF you like this article about ( Magna Rx ) and want to read more on this topic.
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