"One should always be in love." "That's why we should never get married." The Irish playwright Oscar Wilde, author of the quote, is not the only one who is skeptical about the long-couple relationships. "If we understand by infatuation and passion the fast hunch when you see your partner or the tingling in the stomach, then the normal thing is that it lasts days or weeks at most," says the family mediator Ignacio Tornel to El País.
Having a full and satisfying sex life with the same couple after several years of common life often becomes something that very few can brag about with sincerity. The wear of coexistence, children, labor stress and the accumulation of obligations end up lowering the sex of the list of priorities. "Keeping the flame alive in a long-pair relationship is possible, but you have to work it out." To not be carried away by the monotony is essential to see life with erotic eyes, Erotizar daily actions and let the desire flow, says sexologist Ruth Gonzalez Ousset.
It is becoming more and more common to give with long-term couples who come to therapy to revive their sex life. "The first thing to do is to get out of the traditional concepts of sex." Maintaining an open relationship or resorting to the exchange of partners is a good way to heal sexual relations, but not the only one. Sometimes it's enough with simple things, like talking openly about the most intimate fantasies with the couple, consuming pornography together or introducing erotic toys, "explains Sexologist.
"We have a pact and we never tell each other when or who we sleep with." "I once caught him in our bed with another woman, so we've forbidden to take home lovers."
There are cases in which the couple is enough to propose in therapy the possibility of having an open relationship to erotizar their sex life, without ever putting it into practice. "Fantasy is the main food of sex life." "Without her good sex is impossible," explains Ousset.
The specialist argues that monogamy is not the only model of relationship that exists. Celebrities like Scarlett Johansson or Emma Thomson are of the same opinion. "I don't think monogamy is a natural thing." Keeping it is a lot of work and the fact that it costs so much proves that it is not natural, said Scarlett Johansson a few months ago to Playboy magazine. The statements that Thomson offered to the newspaper The Telegraph in 2013 support this vision: "I think monogamy is a strange condition, especially for women." We are locked in certain romantic ideals that have limited our way of seeing relationships. And, on occasion, I wonder whether or not there are alternatives and if our fury and anger and distrust and horror in relation to infidelity are or are not realistic.
Six Spanish couples dare to share their experience. They have found different ways to revive their sex life after many years of relationship ...
-"We both love each other madly and we respect each other very much, but we accept that there can be sex beyond Love", Laura (34 years, philologist, a son).
"My husband and I have an open relationship." When we started going out, we each lived in different places and we were traveling a lot, so we were seeing other people. When we got married and started living together, we decided to continue with this model of relationship. We both love each other and we respect each other very much, but we accept that there can be sex beyond love, and somehow it helps us to reaffirm ourselves in our relationship. We have a pact and we never tell each other when or who we sleep with. Once I caught him in our bed with another woman, so we have forbidden to take the lovers home (although I have never thought).
In my case, although I have slept with other men, I have not yet met anyone who made me consider leaving him, and having sex with other people keeps our sex life in constant evolution. The hardest challenge has been the birth of our daughter, because now we feel that there is a person who depends on us, and we do not know how she will take it the day she is sufficiently grown-up to understand it.
-"Once a month we go out to dinner as if we we of Nothing", Carmen (43 years, housewife, three children).
"With three children the truth is that sometimes it is difficult to have some intimacy." But once a month we usually go out to dinner as if we we of nothing. It's a blind date in every rule. After dinner come the drinks, we go out to dance and then we will spend the night to a hotel ... "The next morning we return home as if nothing had happened."
-"Watching videos together helped us revive the llama after a few years in which we had almost left the sex", Alfredo (48 years, teacher, two children).
"My wife and I have been together for 18 years." When we started the relationship was very passionate, but over the years we relaxed. Before having children, this relaxation was nice and we were not supposed to be a problem. We had less sex, but it was very satisfying. However, there came a time when our sex life became routine and ended up looking almost as an obligation.
"Since we do it, sex has improved remarkably and has gone from being somewhat monotonous to becoming an adventure." "I never thought that something so simple could be so beneficial."
We decided to go to therapy and we were proposed to consume pornography as a couple to increase the libido. We started to watch erotic videos regularly, always together, and this helped us to revive the flame. The quality of our sexual encounters improved right away. "Since then we keep this routine and we reserve for a while every week for our time."
-"My wife told me that we were still too young to give up a full sex life." We had to do something, so we decided to start filming our encounters, Luis (50 years, entrepreneur, son).
"I've been with the same couple for 14 years." From the five years of relationship began the decline of our sexual encounters. At first I thought it was the law of life, something normal that ends up happening to all couples who have long been dating. I assumed there was nothing to do and I didn't ask myself to call for help or talk to anyone. It was my wife who one day told me that we couldn't go on like this, that we were too young to give up a full sex life.
So, in addition to going to erotic toy stores and openly talking about what new things we would like to try, we decided to start videotaping our sexual encounters. Seeing us as if we were pornstars excited us a lot and encouraged us to innovate and let go. Since we do it, sex has improved markedly and has gone from being somewhat monotonous to becoming an adventure. I never thought that something so simple could be so beneficial. "Not only do we have better sex but I feel that as a couple we are even stronger than we were before."
-"Having sex knowing that we were no longer a couple intensified the quality of our relationships." We were excited to share those intimate moments without any loyalty, Rebecca (34 years, dentist, no children)
"I started dating my ex-boyfriend at 21 and we were 10 years together." We loved and minute very well, but three years ago we decided to leave because we were both overwhelmed not to be with other people being so young. We had a really bad time at first. It was traumatic because we were fine and we liked spending time together. There were still feelings and a lot of attraction between us, so we continued to have sex for a long time.
We had always done well in the sexual field, but to lie down knowing that we were no longer a couple intensified the quality of our relationships. We were excited to share those intimate moments without any loyalty. To be aware that we each had an independent life and we had relationships with other people increased our desire.
For almost two years we had sex more often and more quality than we had in 10 years of relationship. "Today, we each have our partner and, although we keep seeing each other as friends, we no longer maintain relationships."
-"None believed in the imposed monogamy and we opted to have an open relationship with a series of rules that have been polished over the years", Inés (37 years, without children).
"I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years and from the beginning we've had an open relationship." We start almost like any other couple without stopping seeing other people. One day he introduced me to friends like his girlfriend and we talked about how we wanted to bring the relationship. None believed in monogamy imposed and we agreed to have an open relationship with a series of rules that have been polished over the years. At first it was just not lying and avoiding having encounters with people close by and known to both. But with time in this kind of relationships arise jealousy that do not have to come from sleeping with another person. It is more in the emotional field, and it is necessary that the rules evolve and that they never break because trust is the most important thing. Without it it's impossible for anything to work.
Maintaining this kind of relationship has helped us because the bond we have created is much more intense. When we are together we know that it is because it is with whom we want to be at that time and not because we are obligated by any social convention. "That is an annihilator of the tremendous routine and makes you feel much more valued and full."
IF you like this article about ( Magna Rx ) and want to read more on this topic.
Having a full and satisfying sex life with the same couple after several years of common life often becomes something that very few can brag about with sincerity. The wear of coexistence, children, labor stress and the accumulation of obligations end up lowering the sex of the list of priorities. "Keeping the flame alive in a long-pair relationship is possible, but you have to work it out." To not be carried away by the monotony is essential to see life with erotic eyes, Erotizar daily actions and let the desire flow, says sexologist Ruth Gonzalez Ousset.
It is becoming more and more common to give with long-term couples who come to therapy to revive their sex life. "The first thing to do is to get out of the traditional concepts of sex." Maintaining an open relationship or resorting to the exchange of partners is a good way to heal sexual relations, but not the only one. Sometimes it's enough with simple things, like talking openly about the most intimate fantasies with the couple, consuming pornography together or introducing erotic toys, "explains Sexologist.
"We have a pact and we never tell each other when or who we sleep with." "I once caught him in our bed with another woman, so we've forbidden to take home lovers."
There are cases in which the couple is enough to propose in therapy the possibility of having an open relationship to erotizar their sex life, without ever putting it into practice. "Fantasy is the main food of sex life." "Without her good sex is impossible," explains Ousset.
The specialist argues that monogamy is not the only model of relationship that exists. Celebrities like Scarlett Johansson or Emma Thomson are of the same opinion. "I don't think monogamy is a natural thing." Keeping it is a lot of work and the fact that it costs so much proves that it is not natural, said Scarlett Johansson a few months ago to Playboy magazine. The statements that Thomson offered to the newspaper The Telegraph in 2013 support this vision: "I think monogamy is a strange condition, especially for women." We are locked in certain romantic ideals that have limited our way of seeing relationships. And, on occasion, I wonder whether or not there are alternatives and if our fury and anger and distrust and horror in relation to infidelity are or are not realistic.
Six Spanish couples dare to share their experience. They have found different ways to revive their sex life after many years of relationship ...
-"We both love each other madly and we respect each other very much, but we accept that there can be sex beyond Love", Laura (34 years, philologist, a son).
"My husband and I have an open relationship." When we started going out, we each lived in different places and we were traveling a lot, so we were seeing other people. When we got married and started living together, we decided to continue with this model of relationship. We both love each other and we respect each other very much, but we accept that there can be sex beyond love, and somehow it helps us to reaffirm ourselves in our relationship. We have a pact and we never tell each other when or who we sleep with. Once I caught him in our bed with another woman, so we have forbidden to take the lovers home (although I have never thought).
In my case, although I have slept with other men, I have not yet met anyone who made me consider leaving him, and having sex with other people keeps our sex life in constant evolution. The hardest challenge has been the birth of our daughter, because now we feel that there is a person who depends on us, and we do not know how she will take it the day she is sufficiently grown-up to understand it.
-"Once a month we go out to dinner as if we we of Nothing", Carmen (43 years, housewife, three children).
"With three children the truth is that sometimes it is difficult to have some intimacy." But once a month we usually go out to dinner as if we we of nothing. It's a blind date in every rule. After dinner come the drinks, we go out to dance and then we will spend the night to a hotel ... "The next morning we return home as if nothing had happened."
-"Watching videos together helped us revive the llama after a few years in which we had almost left the sex", Alfredo (48 years, teacher, two children).
"My wife and I have been together for 18 years." When we started the relationship was very passionate, but over the years we relaxed. Before having children, this relaxation was nice and we were not supposed to be a problem. We had less sex, but it was very satisfying. However, there came a time when our sex life became routine and ended up looking almost as an obligation.
"Since we do it, sex has improved remarkably and has gone from being somewhat monotonous to becoming an adventure." "I never thought that something so simple could be so beneficial."
We decided to go to therapy and we were proposed to consume pornography as a couple to increase the libido. We started to watch erotic videos regularly, always together, and this helped us to revive the flame. The quality of our sexual encounters improved right away. "Since then we keep this routine and we reserve for a while every week for our time."
-"My wife told me that we were still too young to give up a full sex life." We had to do something, so we decided to start filming our encounters, Luis (50 years, entrepreneur, son).
"I've been with the same couple for 14 years." From the five years of relationship began the decline of our sexual encounters. At first I thought it was the law of life, something normal that ends up happening to all couples who have long been dating. I assumed there was nothing to do and I didn't ask myself to call for help or talk to anyone. It was my wife who one day told me that we couldn't go on like this, that we were too young to give up a full sex life.
So, in addition to going to erotic toy stores and openly talking about what new things we would like to try, we decided to start videotaping our sexual encounters. Seeing us as if we were pornstars excited us a lot and encouraged us to innovate and let go. Since we do it, sex has improved markedly and has gone from being somewhat monotonous to becoming an adventure. I never thought that something so simple could be so beneficial. "Not only do we have better sex but I feel that as a couple we are even stronger than we were before."
-"Having sex knowing that we were no longer a couple intensified the quality of our relationships." We were excited to share those intimate moments without any loyalty, Rebecca (34 years, dentist, no children)
"I started dating my ex-boyfriend at 21 and we were 10 years together." We loved and minute very well, but three years ago we decided to leave because we were both overwhelmed not to be with other people being so young. We had a really bad time at first. It was traumatic because we were fine and we liked spending time together. There were still feelings and a lot of attraction between us, so we continued to have sex for a long time.
We had always done well in the sexual field, but to lie down knowing that we were no longer a couple intensified the quality of our relationships. We were excited to share those intimate moments without any loyalty. To be aware that we each had an independent life and we had relationships with other people increased our desire.
For almost two years we had sex more often and more quality than we had in 10 years of relationship. "Today, we each have our partner and, although we keep seeing each other as friends, we no longer maintain relationships."
-"None believed in the imposed monogamy and we opted to have an open relationship with a series of rules that have been polished over the years", Inés (37 years, without children).
"I've been with my boyfriend for almost five years and from the beginning we've had an open relationship." We start almost like any other couple without stopping seeing other people. One day he introduced me to friends like his girlfriend and we talked about how we wanted to bring the relationship. None believed in monogamy imposed and we agreed to have an open relationship with a series of rules that have been polished over the years. At first it was just not lying and avoiding having encounters with people close by and known to both. But with time in this kind of relationships arise jealousy that do not have to come from sleeping with another person. It is more in the emotional field, and it is necessary that the rules evolve and that they never break because trust is the most important thing. Without it it's impossible for anything to work.
Maintaining this kind of relationship has helped us because the bond we have created is much more intense. When we are together we know that it is because it is with whom we want to be at that time and not because we are obligated by any social convention. "That is an annihilator of the tremendous routine and makes you feel much more valued and full."
IF you like this article about ( Magna Rx ) and want to read more on this topic.
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